You must picture a man with a steady and unrelenting sense that "something" is closing in on him. A presence of a sort. A thing that knows what he is holding at bay. I was most comfortable keeping my secret in my coat pocket. After all, when a thing is pocketed, it is still in your control to take out and show others at your leisure. However, this presence quickly approached and began unraveling the coat until all that remained was my naked body. I could not hide any longer. In a flash, all of my inequities were on display. I was an exhibit of the modern man: a statue of misguided desires, selfish ambitions, delusional fears, unwarranted hatreds and unjust judgments. At that moment, I had no choice, but at the same time, I had one of the most free and clear choices in the world. The presence whispered, “Submit! Surrender!” It offered no opportunity for negotiating. It wanted everything! Total submission. Total surrender. It only said, "I Am that I Am." I began to weep at the thought of what this would cost me and I finally said, “Take it. Take all of it!” And the result? The answer to my decision: complete and total rapture. Imagine standing naked will all your faults exposed and someone saying, "I love what I see." Imagine your body feeling almost a universal tingle of warmth like it must have felt in the womb to hear your mother’s voice. The feeling of a divine embrace. The only feeling that allows a human to be ripe with courage and deeply comfortable in humility.
When you are a speaker or a creator of content, there is always a lens you use to convey your message. You tend to research the philosophies of the ancient world, the teachings of postmodern thinkers and evidence-based studies to find alignment with your version of the world. This usually results in a framework, course or book so others can apply your teachings. However, after so much introspection and inspection, there comes a point when you must answer the crying voice of truth. Truth is crying out and saying, I am the greatest weapon in the world and people will try to use me for power, but I am the only way and only hope for humanity.
So what is my secret? What am I coming out to tell you? I am a fool. I always have been, but now I am a fool for the personal, moral and eternally good God and father of us all. The creator of all things who loved each of us enough to create us free to ignore him. The creator who became human and not only took the punishment I deserved, but came back. I am coming out to tell you that I am a Christian. A broken person, made in the image of God. God is the husband and I am the bride. It means that now I must direct my business and language as arrows pointing directly to Him. I am telling you this, so you know the very foundation for all things I speak on and write about. I am doing this to ensure that whether you agree or disagree with me, at least you'll know where my ideas come from. Will I stumble? Certainly. Will I make bad decisions? Without question. But one thing I won’t do anymore is stumble or make bad decisions out of fear. I can only attempt to stay in alignment with the gifts I’ve been given that serve our human community. You may not understand this message or my decision to tell you, but when you become aware of this eternal goodness, you are called to get out and boast about Him. In Jeremiah 9:23-24 it is written "The wise man must not boast in his wisdom; the strong man must not boast in his strength; the wealthy man must not boast in his wealth. But the one who boasts should boast in this, that he understands and knows Me - that I am the Lord, showing faithful love, justice and righteousness on the earth, for I delight in these things. This is the Lord's declaration."
There are times I wish I were a welder or a janitor. I could do my job with ultimate precision and pride without needing to make my work a discussion about God, but I am a speaker. That is my skill, so the very nature of my job now must speak the truth. His truth. This is not a self-help program, religion or philosophy. As C.S. Lewis said in his own conversion story, “It is the summing up and actuality of them all…”
The topics of resilience and leadership in families, businesses and schools will continue. I will just be revealing the source of what I think transforms those groups and applying it to the challenges we face today. In a way, my content is getting a long awaited injection of real wisdom.
Thank you for reading. Thank you for understanding.
P.S. I have not lost my mind:) "I AM" (God) is simply coming out in me. And when that happens, you always look a little strange, but strangeness when presented with healing words and a healed heart will only look strange for a time. In time, what was once desirable will become strange and what was once strange will become desirable.
About the author: Hi! I'm Gary Xavier, founder of The Blade Group LLC. A company that provides faith-based training in resilience to families, businesses and schools. I am a former Marine sniper, Iraq War veteran, Ironman athlete and PGA Golf Professional. I earned my MBA from CSU Sacramento and I am training currently in Christian apologetics with RZIM. You can follow me on Twitter or Instagram @garyjxavier or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.